There she is in the supermarket aisle, the park, ball field, event, sidewalk, work station, lunch room, church pew, exercise class, gas station. There she is.
Thick as smoke, the air is filled with trepidation, an unknowingness of ‘what to say to her’.
Will she cry if you say something right or wrong? Maybe
Will she remember you? Maybe
Will she go into a long story about ‘him’ at a time you don’t have the time to listen, yet will feel 100% obligated? Maybe
Will this become a moment to do the kindest and most meaningful gesture in the face of your day? Maybe
Finding a way into her grief will raise her beyond the widowed world she usually resides in most of the time. It will give her a doorway into the other world she longs to live in, the one where she is seen as a woman, an individual, a human being with a soul. Someone attempting to understand being one instead of two.
This moment will be salve for her sorrow because the truth is, she is better in some ways now because of the death of ‘him’. In ways no one could ever comprehend until they take the time to have this ‘moment’ and find out. She’s grown, she’s growing, it’s complicated. A ‘how are you?’ and walk-on-by-now-on-with-your-day won’t do. She lives in a sacred space of healing, not just grieving. This moment in the supermarket aisle, the park, ball field, event, sidewalk, work station, lunch room, church pew, exercise class, gas station will end up touching a divine place within her….and you.
A clean slate chalkboard where you both pick up the chalk.
So, let go of your expectation…. she already has. Being widowed is synonymous with letting go of expectation. She knows this all too vividly. Before you walk up to her, forgive yourself for not knowing what to say in this profound moment. Exhale and then inhale the opportunity.
Smile.
Hug.
Look into her eyes and be still.
Listen.
Really listen.
Create something new in this space within time.
Then, at some point say the one kindest thing anyone can say to a widow. ‘He/She would be so proud of you’ and nothing else is needed if you mean it. Sincerity is key. Loving intention necessary. Compassion wraps it up with a pretty bow. You were the present in this presence.
